


If

by LStar



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Despair, M/M, No Fluff, Oneshot, Self-Hatred, literally just angst, self blame, there was no point in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 17:34:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LStar/pseuds/LStar
Summary: If only Kaito had helped him.





	If

**Author's Note:**

> uh  
I owe yall fluff don't I...

Maybe if he hadn't slept in, it wouldn't have happened.

Kokichi woke up late, in cold sweat due to another nightmare, and laid in bed for an extra twenty minutes, struggling to calm himself down before he has to go outside and face the world with his false smiles. If he has to pretend to be happy, then he would rather feel numb than forcing a twitchy smile that no one would notice was purely fake. Hell, when his smiles start to lose their edge, whether they be twitching or too stiff, more often than not, people would assume he was merely trying to look innocent, or at least relatively harmless, it never seemed to cross their minds he could be suffering.

Maybe if he hadn't texted Kaito and asked if they could meet up for coffee and sweets, it wouldn't have happened.

Kokichi had been desperate. He wanted to see his boyfriend again, he wanted to laugh again, he wanted to tease his boyfriend so he could have something to focus on. Anything. Anything that wasn't his failures. Anything that wasn't his _existence_. He chewed on his thumb often, a bad habit he'd never really grown out of, despite being almost twenty two years old. Teasing Kaito would help. Teasing his friends meant getting a rise out of them, and being able to laugh at their reactions. It meant a few minutes of forgetting his problems.

Maybe if he hadn't insisted he could walk, it wouldn't have happened.

As he headed towards his and Kaito's favorite coffee shop, he couldn't help but think, this was where Kaito asked him out. They had gone to a toy store and, thanks to him, they were kicked out, and Kaito chased him all the way to the coffee shop, where once inside they were nearly kicked out almost immediately for running in and startling the other patrons. Thankfully, the two calmed down, and ordered themselves a drink, and a snack. And that was around the time Kaito mentioned having a crush on him, and in his panic, he accidentally teased Kaito too much, causing him to shout, Kokichi remembered clearly, _"I don't know why I fucking love you, all I know is I wanna simultaneously punch and kiss you!". _It'd been a really happy day for them.

Maybe if he hadn't stopped to gaze at the mini planetariums, it wouldn't have happened.

Ever since then, the two had met up at that specific coffee shop whenever they were feeling particularly sentimental, or if they had something important to discuss. Kokichi didn't have a particular reason for wanting to meet up- he just wanted the comfort of his much bigger boyfriend. And he knew Kaito would know in an instant. After dating for three years, Kaito, to his credit, had learned to read when Kokichi was feeling playful, when he was sad, or when he was angry, all while he kept the same smile on his face. It was impressive, actually.

Maybe if he hadn't wasted fifteen minutes searching for the perfect planetarium, it wouldn't have happened.

Just thinking of Kaito brought a small, real smile to the little leader's face. Yes...he truly loved his space obsessed boyfriend. He loved his dorky space puns. His stupid, empty space threats. He loved the way his entire face lit up when he talked about space. Sure, he often called him a space nerd, or geek, or whatever playful insult comes to mind, but he wouldn't trade those moments, those puns or empty threats, for the world. Pun unintended, of course.

Maybe if he hadn't wasted hundreds of dollars on the gift, it wouldn't have happened.

As he headed towards the coffee shop, he saw Kaito's slightly beat up pickup truck in the parking lot, and Kaito himself was waiting. He was sitting inside, in their usual spot by the window. Of course, as any old cliche, Kaito seemed to know Kokichi was headed over, because he looked up from his phone and spotted Kokichi. He gave his ever winning smile, and Kokichi sighed, relaxing, but grasping his gift bag slightly tighter in his fist.

Maybe if he hadn't answered his ringing phone, it wouldn't have happened.

Shuichi was calling. With an easygoing greeting, Kokichi stopped walking, right near the curb, where people were walking. It was crowded, as usual, and Kokichi was small, easily bumped into. Shuichi asked him something- he couldn't fully hear what it was due to him being in such a crowded spot. He made a quick promise to call him back when he can.

Maybe if he hadn't hung up, it wouldn't have happened.

As Kokichi fumbled to put his phone in his pocket, he shifted the bag slightly. He was wearing white skinny jeans, so slipping his phone in his pocket was a little tricky, unless he was turned to a certain angle. As he did this though, someone bumped into him. He stumbled, and to his horror, the bag containing Kaito's very expensive gift fell from his hand, and the little gift bounced slightly, gaining a bit of momentum and landing in the street.

Maybe if he hadn't been careless, it wouldn't have happened.

Panicked at the thought of the money going to waste, of Kaito looking disappointed, rather than ecstatic, of having another failure burdened on his shoulders, Kokichi took a swift look both ways. Red lights. He darted forward, grabbing the little planetarium.

Maybe if he had moved...it wouldn't have happened.

Time felt as though it slowed down for both Kokichi and Kaito. Kaito, who was struggling to see his boyfriend due to the pedestrians walking on the sidewalk, finally caught eye of Kokichi, cradling something in his hands, standing right in the middle of the road. And the car that ran it's red light. He got up as fast as he could, and maneuvered himself out of the cafe, running out. Kokichi turned too late.

The car made impact.

Maybe if...Kaito had insisted on giving Kokichi a ride, it wouldn't have happened.

He let out a scream, running forward to his boyfriend's bloody body. The car didn't once stop. It swerved a little as it kept driving- so it was either a drunk driver, or a texter. Kaito moved Kokichi out of the street, cradling his limp body on the curb. Someone called for an ambulance as Kaito fruitlessly held him, sobbing. "Kichi, please, stay with me!" he begged.

Maybe if he tried to meet him halfway, it wouldn't have happened.

An ambulance arrived sometime later. One of the paramedics checked his pulse, his heartbeat. Then, they gave him a look of pain and regret. No. He wouldn't accept it. Nevertheless, Kokichi's body had to be taken to the hospital, as protocol.

Maybe if he hadn't let go, it wouldn't have happened.

But he didn't let go. The paramedics had to forcibly remove Kokichi from Kaito's arms. Kaito screamed and kicked and fought. All to no avail. Eventually, after loading his tiny boyfriend on to a stretcher, he broke down crying. The paramedics did allow him to ride with them to the hospital, futile as it was.

_If only he'd been quicker._

At the hospital, Kokichi Ouma was pronounced dead on the spot. Kaito felt like his entire life drained out of him at that moment. One of the doctors gave him something in a bag, explaining a paramedic had brought it in with him, claiming the victim had it with him. When Kaito took a peek in the bag, he collapsed to his knees and let out a scream of agony.

Maybe if he hadn't always talked about space, it wouldn't have happened.

Tears fell down Kaito's face as he sobbed. The doctor let him cry it out before allowing him to say his final goodbyes. But Kaito wasn't ready to say goodbye.

Maybe if he hadn't been so selfish, it wouldn't have happened.

Even during the funeral, Kaito was a mess. Their classmates from Hope's Peak all came to the funeral, each boring tears, or somber stares. For once, Kaito didn't console anyone. He was the one who needed consoling. But no one could help him. Not when it felt like a part of him had been torn away from him. He managed a shaky speech about the little devil, managing a few choked laughs here and there, earning dry chuckles from the audience. It felt too forced. Kokichi would have been ashamed and would have teased everyone for not being able to lie better than him. When Kaito had finished his speech, he was crying again, and was the first one to put down a white lily in the open casket, which was surrounded by lilies, and other flowers that Kokichi himself liked.

Maybe if he was a better boyfriend, it wouldn't have happened.

Seeing his corpse sent him into another hysteria of pleads for this all to be fake. For Kokichi to sit upright with that damned smile of his, proclaiming _it's a lie! _He'd never complain again about Kokichi's lies. He begged and begged, but had to be lead away by Shuichi and Maki, each struggling not to release tears of their own. Whether it was for Kokichi or Kaito, he still wasn't sure. All he knew was an empty, empty, empty void. Because the one person who loved him for him was gone.

Maybe if he hadn't bought that engagement ring, it wouldn't have happened.

**Author's Note:**

> ,,, yeah I don't have an excuse. I'd love feedback.


End file.
